hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
