so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize