I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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