Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
