I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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