I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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