I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
