Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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