alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
