Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My bed smells like the plague
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
