Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize