oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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