matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
