The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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