Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
