Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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