I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
