peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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