The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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