He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Four minutes until I can fart!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
