I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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