I feel like abortions should bother me more
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
