Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
