she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
cat food counts as protein by the way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
ttyl tear gas
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
