It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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