im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
