the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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