i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
