the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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