he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
