its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
