bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
