Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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