If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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