singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
