Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
