i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
