She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
