There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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