Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
