she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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