Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
