Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
