Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's just like the Real World with babies
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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