please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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