I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
