You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
