Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
too bad you live with your parents still
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
