hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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