I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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