it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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