I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
