I don't usually arrange sex via text message
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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