Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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