I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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