He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize