I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
