Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
