I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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