I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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