I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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