You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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