i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
