tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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