Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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