You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
