also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
