if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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