I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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