the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
being pregnant is like rehab
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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