chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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