Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Michael Bay diarrhea
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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