I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize