i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
