How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
