just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
