apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize