I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
