3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
