I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
