did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
