He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
