a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
