you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
