I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
