I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Vodka?
Forever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
