She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
