found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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