I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
