It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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