I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She bit a glass in half.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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