just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
