I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
