I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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