is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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