im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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