I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
