weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
