It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
