I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
