i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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