Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
