I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
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