I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
