I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
