I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
