he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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