I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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