I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
