hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish you could order shots online.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
