I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
