help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
