even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
