i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
