i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She even gives head with a lisp.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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